I’m going to assume that you did not intentionally put yourself in a position where you would be assaulted by temptation. You were doing your job, as you saw it, going about your pastoral ministries when suddenly you looked up one day and realized you were snared in the tangled net of a full-blown sexual temptation.
It felt both wonderful and frightening. “What have I gotten myself into?” you asked yourself again and again.
A typical situation . . .
You are a pastor. She has asked you for an appointment. She belongs to another church in the community, but feels she cannot discuss such personal things with her pastor. In your office, over several visits she opens up and tells you private things. She speaks of her husband’s failings and how needy she is. Perhaps she confesses to having “a thing” for you, or gets the same point across in some other way. Everything inside you is responding. You know full well what is happening here. You are human enough to want what she is offering free of charge and smart enough to know the cost of such a dalliance is beyond anything you’d ever want to pay.
She tells you–or you tell yourself!–that this won’t hurt anyone, that you deserve it. She admires you so much and thinks you are the greatest man she has ever met.
I’m not blaming her. I’m not even blaming you. I’m simply saying this is how these things get started.
Now….
You are not stupid. You know you’re playing with fire. But surely the Lord understands, doesn’t He?
RELATED: Overcoming Temptation
Or, another variation: She does nothing to “come on” to you. She doesn’t need to. You are the one overdosing on hormones when she is near. The problem is all from you, not from her.
You find yourself wanting to reach out and touch her.
“Youthful lust,” Paul calls this. He nailed it. Adolescent hormones rage within you.
You are considering doing the dumbest thing in the history of the world. What you are contemplating will make Esau trading his birthright for a “mess of greens” look like the champion day-trader of all time.
You are now considering swapping your home, the love of your wife and the respect of your children, your entire ministry, and the influence for Jesus Christ built by decades of faithful service for…what?
Her. For an hour with her? For an unknown future?
Are you out of your cotton-picking mind?
It’s time to run. Get away.
Once you determine that you are developing feelings for the woman–whether by something she did or your own weaknesses–you should find a way to get out of Dodge immediately. Make up an excuse. Create an emergency. Prevaricate if you must.
If this is a counseling situation, thank her, tell her something has come up so that you have to end the session, give her the name of a more qualified counselor, and offer a short prayer for God’s blessings upon her. If she does not take the hint and leave, you get up and walk out of the office. Tell your secretary on the way out to deal with the lady, gently and firmly.
What if she gets angry or acts hurt or offended? Answer: I can almost guarantee that she will. But at the moment, you are “on guard for yourself” (Acts 20:28) and cannot take responsibility for her.
