When I was growing up I frequently heard the phrase.If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. I’m not sure that’s a saying anymore, but either way, I love a good analogy to help me think through a topic. And I think the phrase applies in leadership. But I’m not sure getting out of the leadership kitchen when it gets too hot is the only option. Are you experiencing the “heat” – of leadership stress?
Do you feel you are in over your head?
Are you not able to keep up with the demands on you personally and are you, therefore, questioning your abilities as a leader?
Do others have the perception you can’t accomplish what you are supposed to do? (Perception is often more powerful than reality.) Are you stuck and wondering what to do next?
I have been there numerous times as a leader.
At 20 years of age, I was thrust into a management position, because the manger left suddenly. By default, I was given responsibility I had bluffed upper management into believing I was prepared to do. I wasn’t.
When I became a self-employed small business owner I quickly realized the ball rested in my court, I was responsible for meeting payroll for others and myself, and I was in well over my head. As the pastor of fast growing churches, there have been many times I’ve not known what to do.
(Don’t tell anyone, but I’m there again in my latest role.)
Many times in my career, the heat in the kitchen has been more than I felt I could bear. Thankfully, I’ve matured enough to admit it these days. When you find yourself feeling leadership stress – using the analogy of the “heat in the leadership kitchen”, I think there are a few options.
In fact, I think you have 3 options:
Get out of the kitchen
There’s always that. Let’s be honest and admit you may be in the wrong kitchen. The heat may be too much for you. Sometimes you simply aren’t a fit for the role. It doesn’t mean you aren’t a fit for any role – just not this one – or in this organization.
My leadership style wouldn’t work in many churches. Being willing to admit it saves you heartache, your team from destruction, and the organization from having to make difficult decisions regarding your leadership in the future – when everyone else discovers you’re out of your league or misfit.
Learn from better cooks
Continuing with the kitchen analogy, perhaps the oven temperature is set too high. You may be using the wrong ingredients. Maybe you need better assistant chefs. I’m not trying to stir up a recipe simply to fit this point in the post (Okay, please admit that’s funny), but you may need to invite input from people who have been cooking (leading) longer than you have.
Chances are good an outside look can see things you don’t see. Leadership and leadership stress can be lonely, but it doesn’t have to be (and shouldn’t be) done alone. Find mentors willing to invest in you. This often begins with the humility to admit you need help and the willingness to ask for it. The best leaders occasionally need help and great leaders aren’t too proud to ask for it.
I’ve also discovered seasoned leaders feel honored to be asked. (And, as a Christian leader, remember God is on your side and He may be waiting for you to surrender before He jumps in to help.)
Improve the kitchen
Perhaps it’s the environment you’ve created in the kitchen. You may need to change the people who are seated at your kitchen table or who are watching you cook. You may need to get a better stove or, as I’ve learned, even getting the right spatula will make me a better cook. Again, I’m not trying to overuse this analogy, but the point is in leadership we usually have to get better before we can get bigger.
Sharpening our personal skills, growing the strength of our team, placing the right people in positions around us and improving the organization’s culture and environment can be helpful when a leader feels overwhelmed. You have to do what it takes to deal with leadership stress and become a better leader.
I got a second master’s degree to help me in leadership. Later, I started working on my doctorate. I wanted to keep growing and learning. You may not need to go to that extreme, but you should be intentional about gaining the training and experience you need to be a lead at a higher level.
Feeling hot in the leadership kitchen? You may need to get out – but there may be other options.
This article originally appeared here, and is used by permission.
