I believe one of the key issues that leads to discontentment and unhappiness is that many people entering professional ministry for the first time have unrealistic expectations. It’s easy to be swept up in the appeal that is ministry. People need you. Everybody knows you. They want your opinion. You’re part of every meeting and important decision. Your spiritual and work and family life are all combined. You’re in the know, the center of everything.
The problem is that these “great” things about ministry are also the “worst” things about ministry.
No question there is no way to fully prepare someone for the realities of ministry. It’s like training soldiers for war. You can do everything possible, but there’s nothing quite like the real thing. But I do think there are some things we could do better to help prepare those coming behind us.
1. We need to make it harder to become a pastor. This means doing a better job vetting those who present themselves for ordination, increasing the length of trial periods, giving them more responsibilites during these times to get a better feel for the realities, let them see how the sausage is made. This alone would weed out many who are attracted by the romance of ministry but may not have a true calling.
2. Better and more practical education. Our seminaries and Bible colleges have got to step up and do a better job here. Most pastors I speak with about this tell me that they feel like their seminary training was a huge waste of time, energy and money. If a school would really take this issue seriously and adjust their curriculum accordingly, they would be overwhelmed with pastors lining up for what they had to offer.
3. More attention paid to wives and families of those entering ministry. Too often all of the training and emphasis is put on the person entering ministry. The reality is when one member of a family chooses this path, the whole family is choosing it as well, and they need to be equipped and trained as much as possible for what is about to happen to them.
4. Ongoing support. Our denominations and networks need to recognize this issue and do something about it. Establish real mentorship programs. More ongoing training. Ask tough questions along the way. The worse thing we can do is leave people out there too long on their own. Got to stick together and help one another.
When dealing with the subject of unhappy, frustrated and discontented church staffs, the gigantic elephant that’s almost always in the room is their relationship with their senior pastor or other high level leadership that may be over them.
Now before we take one more tiny step, let’s be super clear that we are not and will not be bashing senior pastors. So if you’re a bitter former staffer and you’ve been waiting for someone to take a shot at these guys for you, you’re looking in the wrong place ’cause homey don’t play that. I know there are some pastors out there who are real jerks, but I believe with all my heart that the VAST majority of pastors are good people who have the same struggles and issues as the rest of us, and they are faithfully doing their best and learning as they go. The same applies to all of the staffers as well; you’ve got some bad eggs, but the vast majority are not. So in the spirit of ‘learning,’ let’s talk about some of the factors that contribute to the breakdown between senior leaders and staffers. Specifically, let’s talk about the difference in generations.
With the advent of Generation X (my generation) and eventually Generation Y or the Millenials, no doubt there was a major cultural shift in the way we relate, communicate, process information, approach situations, etc. … Some older leaders have embraced the new paradigms that come with leading these folks, and their relationships and their churches have thrived. But most, if they were honest, would say they have at the very least struggled to get their hands around these new relational models, and that struggle has led to some conflict along the way. Even senior leaders from these same generations struggle with these issues once they assume leadership. While there is definitely some burden on all senior leaders to adapt and change, there also needs to be more flexibility among the younger staffers as well. Here are some of the key characteristics of these newest generations and some suggestions on how both sides can work better together.
