What to Do When You’re DONE With Church

There’s a large and growing number of people who say they’re done with church, including many clergy.

done with church

There’s a large and growing number of people who say they’re done with church.

These aren’t the Nones—those who are increasingly checking the box marked “none” on religious affiliation surveys—these are people who self-identify as Christians but have intentionally stopped attending church.

According to several recent writings, including The Rise of the “Dones” by Thom Schultz, the Dones are a growing percentage of society. Many of them have come from the clergy.

Yes, I know what many of you are thinking. This is just more evidence of our entitlement culture that doesn’t want to make commitments or be held accountable. I have to admit that thought occurred to me, too.

Certainly there are people leaving the church who fit that description. But there are regular church attenders and leaders who fit that description, too.

The Dones aren’t like that. They’re not lazy, apathetic or self-serving. Often they’re just the opposite. As Schultz says in his post, “to an increasing degree, the church is losing its best.”

Many of them may be like the kid in class who’s acting up and getting bad grades, not because they’re not interested in learning, but because their learning style doesn’t fit in a classroom setting. They want to leave, not because they don’t care, but because they hate having their time wasted.

Almost everything I’ve read from within the church about the Dones (and it’s a lot), has been written from one of two standpoints:

1) What can we do to win them back? or

2) An attitude of “good riddance,” with an underlying, sometimes directly stated, attitude of “they’re just lazy people who want everything done their way.”

I think that second attitude is inaccurate, dangerous and arrogant. But the first attitude may be missing the point too, since it feels a little like a salesman trying to woo customers back with a semi-annual sale. Either way, we don’t get it.

But everything I’ve read by the Dones (including conversations I’ve had with them) tells a different story. They’re not lazy or self-serving. And they’re not looking to be won back. They’re tired, frustrated and hurt. And they truly are done.

So this post isn’t written to church leaders to offer ideas about what we can do to entice the Dones to come back. Today I’m talking to the Dones or almost-dones, maybe even to fellow ministers in one of those groups, with a simple message.

If you’re done with church and the way we do church, don’t leave it, help us change it.

What Are They Really Done With Church?

As I’ve read blog posts and books about and by the Dones, a few patterns have emerged. As it turns out, when people say they’re done with church, here’s what they often mean. 

They’re done with:

  • the institutional church
  • judgmentalism
  • infighting
  • being a passive audience
  • lack of applicability to daily life
  • hypocrisy
  • abuse of power
  • anti-intellectualism
  • lack of compassion ministries
  • questionable use of finances
  • (insert your frustration here)

Take a look back at that list. Do you notice anything missing? I do.

None of the things people usually leave the church over are things that actually define the church.

The church is two simple things—neither of which almost anyone wants to be done with.

The church is people loving Jesus and loving others.

When former churchgoers say they’re done with church, they’re seldom actually done with loving Jesus or loving others. What they’re done with is the extras we’ve attached to Jesus and people—often at the expense of the two essentials.

I have to agree with them. I’m done with all that, too.

But, despite my own doneness, I’m choosing to stick with the church. Why? Because the things that really make up the church, the things that matter—the Jesus and people stuff—are worth staying and fighting for.

What to Do if You’re Done With Church

If you’re done with the way we do church, good for you. Those feelings of frustration are a good start. It means you haven’t stopped caring.

It probably means you’re fed up with business-as-usual. It probably means you want more of Jesus, not less.

The good news is you’re not alone. In addition to me (as if you cared about that), there have been a lot of people in history who were done with the way we do church.

  • Martin Luther was done.
  • The Pilgrims were done.
  • John Wesley was done.
  • William Booth was done.
  • Martin Luther King Jr. was done.

And long before all of them, Jesus himself was done with the way worship was being conducted in his day.

But they didn’t leave. They didn’t give up. They stood up and changed things.

Yet it’s important to note what they didn’t change. They didn’t add anything new to the Gospel. And they didn’t remove any of the essentials. They reinforced the basics. They helped the church—or their segment of it—realign with one or more of the core values we’d lost. They pointed us to the timeless truths defined by Jesus himself in the Matthew 22:37-40” href=”https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+22%3A37-40&version=NIV” target=”_blank” rel=”noopener noreferrer”>Great Commandment and the Matthew 28:19-20” href=”https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+28%3A18-20&version=NIV” target=”_blank” rel=”noopener noreferrer”>Great Commission.

Don’t Be Done With Us

The church is not a building, a denomination or a set way of doing things. It’s people who love Jesus and love each other enough to want to change the world.

So, go ahead and leave the way church currently does things. Be fed up. There’s plenty to be fed up about.

But stop complaining about “them” and the way “they” do things. Them is us. If you’re a believer, you’re a part of the church, even if you’ve stopped attending. You don’t stop being part of the church when you stop going to church any more than you stop being a member of a family when you stop going to family reunions.

If there’s a problem with the church, the only place any solution can come from is us.

Don’t quit. Don’t stop getting together with other people who love Jesus, or working with them to touch the lives of people who don’t know Jesus.

You don’t like the way church is done? Do it better! It can be done better. It must be done better. You may be done with your church, but don’t be done with the church.

We need you now more than ever.

So what do you think? What do you plan to do?

Karl Vaters is the author of The Grasshopper Myth: Big Churches, Small Churches and the Small Thinking That Divides Us. He’s been in pastoral ministry for over 30 years and has been the lead pastor of Cornerstone Christian Fellowship in Fountain Valley, California for over 20 years. He’s also the founder of NewSmallChurch.com, a blog that encourages, connects and equips innovative Small Church pastors.

37 Comments

  1. Thank you for this article. For better or for worse, Christ specifically meant for His followers to live in community with other followers of Christ. That visible body is called the church. It is not restricted to a particular denomination or group. So find a body of believers somewhere that practice love one to the other. And don’t expect perfection. Or plant a new congregation and build it from scratch with the right focus. But to simply turn your back on the visible body of Christ called ‘the church’ is a tragedy that Christ Himself would not encourage.

  2. Very interesting article. In my own ministry, I find that I pastor not a church, but a parade. Some coming in, some passing through, and it seems to me the trick is to remove some of your described ills of the church from lives of moving targets (of course, that presumes the problem isn’t in the pulpit). If successful, those targets raise the level of “Christ-likeness” for all, and that’s very attractive.
    On the other hand, might not some of the “done with the church” crowd also be victims of a consumer mentality? In other words, when you’re done with judgmentalism, have you not also exercised it? How can I help them see that God gave them as a gift to the church precisely to help correct the aberrant behaviors they correctly identify as odious? Church division? God may graciously provide a reconciling person. Fault-finding? In any given member, God may give someone who can help us heal from that.
    I suspect we under-each the churchman’s role as “priest” and “ambassador”. Every teacher may have his Barnabas or even his Demas, but vision is extremely cohesive.

  3. Excellent article. I personally know quite a few Dones. they are my friends. They are also incredible people who love Jesus and have so much to offer the church. But they have been literally driven away from churches by one or more of the things on this list. (You forgot three, btw. Stubbornness, ignorance and intolerance. Oh, and questionable/immature/inaccurate teaching.) I also am tempted to sometimes tell my friends “Get over it!” But it is much more complicated than that. My hope and prayer is that I can be a part of the solution somehow. I don’t know exactly what that is, but Jesus does. I have been a Done in the past, and I know how it feels. In my own experiences and with others, it is anything but lazy, arrogant or disobedient.

  4. Kari, I appreciate what you’ve said and the lack of disdain you show for those of us that are truly done, but I’d like to try and shed light on something most writers on this subject don’t understand about the “Dones”. I’ll preface this by saying that what I’m about to say isn’t true for everyone outside the walls, but it’s true for myself and many whom I’ve met out here: The request that we come back and help change the things that are broken about the institution of church isn’t possible for me to go along with.

    First, the distinction between the Church as the Body of Christ and the Church as the global institution of leaders, services, and corporations is important. I have left the latter, but you and I both remain in the former. You are asking me to help repair the latter.

    But here is the problem: the reason I left is because I’m fully convinced that an institution in any form is the wrong way of living out my faith. Asking me to remain in an institution and try to correct it is fundamentally opposed to the entire reason I have stepped out in the first place. I’m learning all over again what it is to seek and serve Christ without any of those things, and there’s no way I could return to it at all, much less be part of a “solution”. I truly don’t believe a solution exists.

    I don’t advocate anyone making an effort to tear that institution down, either. So long as it stands, it does so because God isn’t done with it. He’d remove it himself if he chose to do so, and certainly wouldn’t need my help. I realize some believers see a benefit there, and I respect their desire to continue serving in that way, but they’ll have to do it in the way they see best, and without the input of people like myself.

    Man of us have come to believe the total absence of organized religion is vastly superior, and you are asking us to help reorganize the religion. I’m sure you don’t see it this way, but you should know that this is how your request is understood. It’s quite literally an impossible request, without first asking us to discard our views and agree with your own.

    Again, thanks for the kind words, though. I pray God leads you in all you do and that he is glorified through you!

  5. Karl, I inserted this post along with your others, in the list I aggregated here: http://www.robwilkerson.net/2015/05/nones-dones-undones-and-not-dones-my.html. The list is growing, and I’m trying to keep it updated. It also includes facebook groups, podcasts, and books on the “dones.” Hope it’s helpful to you and your readers. Thanks again for your contribution.

  6. Here’s another option if you are done with church. Go beyond church and back to the Greek New Testament concept of ekklesia. http://amzn.to/1NcdrTP

  7. My “doneness” with the Church is only indirectly aimed and the institution. I’m done because I no longer believe its Creed. As a seminary-trained individual (specifically in Apologetics, ironically), I had many, latent questions that have only recently found answers outside mainstream and evangelical camps. I saw that my faith was just a bad magic trick, and, once seeing this, could no longer take it seriously. For me, all religions are artistic attempts to understand the spiritual mystery of reality. To say one is better than another, or more “True” is like picking Monet over Van Gogh.

  8. Hebrews 10

    24 And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:

    25 Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.

  9. I agree that many churches are losing their best in the “Dones”. But, I also know several who are “Dones” who did stand up and try to change it. They stayed long after they wanted to leave, they kept plugging away trying to make positive change. Yet they couldn’t make it happen. So they left. What I’ve noticed is that they are turning to “home church” style, gathering with a few select families and going out on their own.

    This article is great at articulating why they leave. It still throws accountability on their shoulders to change something that quite often doesn’t seem to want to change (or at leadership doesn’t).

    Where is the accountability to the leaders who are letting their best walk away?

  10. Your views are in place. I actually share them. My reason is that it is impossible to change the doctrines, systems and worldview of these leaders who started these institutional churches, especially so when you are a nobody there. And why should I attempt to change things when everything that is on display can be backed up by Bible verses and held as the Gospel Truth? I beleive the Dones are done for the sake of conscience and peace of.mind!

  11. A Church which allows only family and friends of existing members to be admitted to Baptism and membership? Where is the Scriptural basis for this? Is this an offshoot of Freemasonry which perpetuates itself only with the elect or the select? Is this a non-evangelical Church which operates to be a gatekeeper limiting the availability of others to salvation? The secular doctrine of Separation of Church and State prohibits government from “licensing” a Church. Who makes the determination? Have certain Churches driven the Word of Christ from the Church? Or, is the concept of a “Church” itself a misinterpretation or misunderstanding of Scripture? A Church brings the sins of humanity into the relationship between a faithful believer and his/her relationship with God the Father, His Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit.

  12. More people more problems. The church tends to attract the lonely, the ostracized, the weirdos and crazies. The more involved you get in church the more problems you will face, guaranteed. It’s not healthy because like I said, you will be spending the majority of your time around people who have nothing going for them outside of church. Life has enough stress on it’s own so the last thing I would want is to add unnecessary problems in my life on the only day I have to rest. I been going to church all my life and have yet to meet one person who really cared about me like my family and good friends. On top of that, most people in church have very little knowledge of the Bible which results in a bunch of people brewing up all sorts of crazy ideas in their heads.

  13. I know this is an old response but it is EXACTLY RIGHT! Well said.

  14. My reasons:
    My boys couldn’t serve with children until they were 13 due to insurance changes. So I’d have to get a babysitter to help in nursery since there was no sunday school class at our court ordered times to attend church.
    After divorce, told mens ministry wasn’t about mentoring.
    Constantly being reviewed for behaviour and having to explain my divorce included barred from communion. For his behaviours.
    Bringing a friend to experience church and after being ignored for years with 4 boys alongside for years, a man congratulating him on such a nice family.
    The dont dress nice or talk to a man unless you have one on your arm to make it look proper.
    Called in front of elders for counselling someone of rhe opposite sex through their divorce. Imagine their shock to find out it was all over the phone and to avoid lawyers!
    Asking someone, anyone to even just drop a note to show them someone from the church cared when they went through something traumatic.

  15. The institution of “church” is against scripture and The Will of God in so many ways. I am a soon to be DONE. I actually am a pastor at this moment. I was a youth pastor for four years before now. I was saved in a jail cell when I heard God tell me “no more”. I came out knowing what I had heard and Whom I had heard it from. My whole life and world changed overnight. I have never been the same since I experienced Christ in my life. I had a Saul to Paul conversion at age 30. I am now 35 and I can say I have witnessed so much wickedness and unrighteousness in the institution of church in my 5 years. In my five years of following Christ I have truly come to appreciate the number “a few” when Jesus says only a few will enter. A grace of lasciviousness crept in a long time ago, these days the doors are wide open for it. Then lets talk about how the institution of church sold it’s voice for it’s tax exempt status. I will give to Ceaser what is his so that I can give all to God that is His. Then lets talk about how Jesus says that His yoke is light, the doctrines and mandates of most denominations are probably far heavier than anything the Pharisees pushed out. You see the church loves John 3:16, as do I. But you can’t read John 3:16 without sharing all the way through 19. The message does speak of God’s love but it also speaks of how the devil doesn’t have to go after those who do not believe, they stand condemned already. He has to go after those who profess the name of Christ. So if you had to go after people seeking God, where would you start? In a building that is suppose to minister the word of God would be my best guess. I have felt God’s presence more intensely in a prison yard, jail cell, soup kitchen, poverty stricken coal mining towns filled with “real brokenness” than I have in church buildings filled with “fake togetherness”. Jesus never stayed in one place long and ministered to all people. Jesus didn’t even have a home or a place to lay His head. Most leaders in churches today drive at least a $30-40,000 car and live in a $3-400,000 home. The institution of church is so far off from the biblical realm of what it is to be a “DISCIPLE”. I am to the point where when I’m asked what church I go to, it makes my skin crawl. People have got to learn that they are THE CHURCH! We are called to be the church the body of Christ; it is not a building it is not a building. So lets talk about the building by the way. The building that usually takes a committee to build a yearly budget around the upkeep of that can range from a few thousand to a couple million. Then the congregations spend a year to two years trying to fundraise for an international mission that may cost $30,000 or the smaller missions can barely get a few hundred from the church and still most supplies comes from the people’s pockets. Even in my church I have tried to change one thing that has always bothered me, the church itself does not tithe! It expects people to tithe and give freely, yet when it comes time to do missions or outreach; hey we need to do a fundraiser. Or the church wants to save or invest the money that the people were preached to about giving freely and abundantly; about how God loves a cheerful giver. People of churches pick and choose what scriptures they want to take literal and which ones they want to turn into parables or symbolisms. When there are plenty plenty of scriptures that the church wants to ignore or not take part in because it will push away the big spenders or empty our their big buildings and break their budgets. So when I think about the DONES, I will call them the FEW. Wide is the path and narrow is the gate. There will be many that Jesus says “I never knew you, away from me you evildoer.”

  16. As long as “anyone” is allowed to open a building, call it church, call himself/herself a minister and be actually accountable to no one, other than a self-selected group of supporters, while holding a bible and telling others how to live……people of faith will continue to be wounded, disillusioned and contemplating a churchless life.

  17. “Where is the accountability to the leaders who are letting their best walk away?”

    I look at it this way: A local church that dies will not need or have leaders. That’s the accountability.

    The Church will not die, but many local churches will.

  18. I don’t disagree with you, or with Assuqquo who replied. But be careful not to throw out the baby with the bath water. I’ve known quite a few “dones,” who are done for various reasons. But one thing I’ve noticed is the tendency to fall victim to bizarre heretical teachings.

    I’m not going to try to encourage you to go back to church. But I most certainly want to strongly urge you to read credibly scholarship, and discuss/debate it with more than a few close friends. It’ll help you stay on track.

  19. In all fairness, this exact same thing has happened in mainline Protestant churches, and particularly in the Roman Catholic church. No one is exempt from the potential problems.

  20. The irony here is that many people have come from the exact opposite starting point as you, and ended up in the Church. Not out of ignorance, but as a direct resulting of seeking Truth and finding it.

  21. Truth for Truth, Myth for Myth, Abstraction for Abstraction. We need to cleanse our minds from all these pathological belief systems and seek the celestial light of true reality (lower case ‘t’ and ‘r’ intentional).

  22. I understand your reasoning. I had that reasoning for years as well. But, I was wrong, and so are you. Jesus didn’t stay and reform Judaism and Martin Luther didn’t stay and reform Catholicism. Jesus said you don’t put new wine in old wine skins and you don’t put a new patch on old garments. I didn’t believe Him either. I do now. Trying to reform from within will ruin you and the institution. There is only one thing a true disciple of Jesus can do with the Institutional church…..get out.

  23. Yes, Yes, Yes!!! You have it right!

  24. Totally agree.

  25. I know of no other subject that is as close to my heart as this article and discussion thanks again to the author for handling the subject matter in a way that does not drive away those who have already been driven away from the established church in 30 years of walking this journey I have come to peace with Christ trusting him that this is his church and he will present it a spotless bride to himself before he returns how he does that well I have some pretty heartfelt and deep awareness and understanding of what I believe he will do C job but in the meantime I will continue to follow him out of the camp and into the church in the wilderness God-bless and be with all those my brothers and sisters who are walking down this road for it truly seems lonesome at times and yet God is faithful!

    16¶Rejoice evermore.
    17Pray without ceasing.
    18In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.
    19¶Quench not the Spirit.
    20Despise not prophesyings.
    21Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.
    22Abstain from all appearance of evil.
    23¶And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
    24Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.
    25¶Brethren, pray for us.
    26¶Greet all the brethren with an holy kiss.
    27¶I charge you by the Lord that this epistle be read unto all the holy brethren.
    28¶The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. Amen. 1 Thes. 5

  26. .. (continued) and making suggestions and is willing to do the work. The pastor says No thank you, stand down. The person persists and goes to the elders and gets backing for the changes they think need to happen. They are then vuewed as divisive, witchcraft and Jezebel bandied about, and are made to leave for not submitting to authority and supposed witchcraft reasons. I know personally of 2 separate cases of this. So the question is, ‘Is it witchcraft and not submitting to God’s ordained order of authority – or is it just a strong personality who, if managed well, by a secure, competent boss, could be an asset? ?? In both cases, with 2 entirely different people, there was no bad fruit or heresy or obvious sin, it was differences of opinion on how things should be done. In both the cases I know of, the people trying to change things (the accused! ), were highly competent, talented, ‘type A’ people who were frustrated at the way things were being done and probably would have done a better job had they been allowed to. Should they have just left and started their own church or did they need to learn to submit to authority first? I would love to hear scripturally based opinions!

  27. You said we “Dones” should not leave, but help you change the “church”. The problem is, we tried and paid a very high price for it, and left exhausted, wounded, and labeled all kinds of ugly things. The problem is, the vast majority of “churches” won’t even hear us out and it grieves us. They are so set in “their” ways, which don’t even look like the bibles instructions at all, and will not even consider that “they” may be in error. Maybe, the only way to truly help you change, is by leaving, and when your numbers dwindle, and it is hard for you to pay the bills, you will finally wake up and realize your error. The “church” is not about maintaining a building or an image, it is about loving ALL the people in it (which does require rebuking sometimes, with a heart motive to restore them, not just criticize them), and building them up, and fully equipping them with the WHOLE council of God, so that they can GO OUT and do the good work. Maybe, a little tough love is needed. A “wake up” call. I hate the word “dones”. I am not “done” with the body of Jesus Christ, I love them tremendously, that is why I am finally leaving these “institutions” that name themselves “church”, but look and act more like the world than Jesus. I’m not forsaking the assembling, I still meet with believers, minister to them, help them, study Gods word with them, pray with them, etc… in many places, in many ways, and at all times. Even if it is with only one person. Jesus said, where two or three are gathered in His name, He is there among us. Additionally. I can’t stand the “wounding” being done to Jesus precious sheep anymore, and the ignoring of it, I will not and can not be a party to it any longer. The arrogant pride is a stench in my nostrils, and probably Gods too. I will strive to help them heal, not be a part of an organization that tears them down. This is my advice, do some hard searching of your own hearts, and when you start to act and look like Jesus, and we will gladly come back. THAT is what we greatly desire.

  28. If they continue to read the “entire” council of God themselves (Old and New Testament- called renewing their minds), and have the Holy Spirit indwelling them (as their teacher and councilor, and helper), then God will lead them to His truth. The Almighty is more than capable of doing this. You seem to forget, that it is God Himself who causes our growth. We can remind one another what His word says, stir one another to good works, and help carry one anothers burdens, but it is God who keeps us from the evil one and santifies us in His truth, Just as Jesus prayed on the way to the garden of Gethsemane and the Father always hears the Son. The gates of hell will not prevail against His church, it is a promise from God and He is faithful to keep His promises.

  29. PRIDE. Pride is stopping them from holding up the mirror of Gods word to their own faces, like ALL of us are instructed to do. For some reason, they seem to think because they paid for, and earned a human man-made certificate, and are given a title like “Pastor”, they no longer need to continually do this. They seem to forget that a leader is given a GREAT responsibility and should not take it lightly, or seek to pursue that position lightly. God has allowed them the privilege to watch over His beloved sheep, which He shed His own precious blood for. Ezekiel 34 is a passage all “Pastors”, and other leaders, should carefully read and the bible has many more examples like it. The Pharisees of Jesus time can teach a lot too, the ones He said Woe to, over and over again. I would gladly return if they would humble themselves, turn from their wicked ways, and seek the LORD’s ways and not their own. I would GREATLY rejoice over it!

  30. We can obey God in this instruction anywhere, and at any time. We are the “temples” of God. Mobile temples meant to GO OUT into all the world to make disciples. Even if there are only two of us praying, or reading His word, ect…. Jesus Himself said that He is there among us. That is also considered an assembling.

  31. You have been given by God freewill. Just ponder this, every decision we make has consequences good or bad. Is it possible, the places you learned about God gave you inaccurate information? Might want to look into it by reading the entire bible and evaluating what you have been told by what the word of God says.

  32. How many times can the Done crowd try? How many tables can we flip? How many moneychangers can we confront? You think it didn’t occur to us to try to reform the church? You think we don’t want to be part of a healthy, reformed, Biblical church? No one paid attention to our complaints until we walked out the door with our money and talent. If we were still in the trenches trying to reform things, I guarantee no one would be listening to us even now.

    We’re done. Are you hearing us? We’re done. We tried reform. We tried giving feedback. We tried showing by example. In response, we were called “toxic” and “critical” and “consumerist” and “trying to control the pastor.” The leadership team “discerned” that we had fallen into a “critical spirit” that needed to be prayed for. We were shoved aside in favor of photogenic teeangers and Type-A extroverts. We sounded alarms that it wouldn’t end well, and we were called negative ninnies.

    You can find us under the radar in your local community, having prayer meeting and Bible study amongst ourselves. Instead of badgering us to return, maybe you should step out and join us.

  33. Ah yes, the old “then why don’t you change it” routine. Very original.

  34. As soon as I got to the “don’t leave, help us change it.” I laughed. I’m 39. I’ve never EVER met a “pastor” who was willing to change anything. Pastors are getting younger and more arrogant all the time. They hit the pulpit loaded with crap doctrine and they pressure and bully and try and scare people into giving them more money and free labor. I find it fascinating that the “pastor” is the only fella who can call what he does “serving” and still get a paycheck. Apparently the “pastor” is the only person that “don’t muzzle the ox” refers to when the verse in Timothy is mentioning giving honor to elders and grain to oxen and payment to laborers. Oh and guess what?! If you are a Christian you MUsST go to church. Wait no, you must SIGN the COVENANT legal document BINDING you to ATTEND, GIVE, SERVE and OBEY. If you don’t obey and sign then you are a sinning Disobedient anti-commitment, LONE RANGER even though you’ve been attending for 5 years and your wife had been there 30 years and you take part in serving anyway. If you don’t TITHE you’re robbing God. If you don’t GIVE even more until it hurts (because Christianity is sacrificial) then you are a FAKER and you can’t know God without GIVING AND SERVING and if you don’t want to “know God” you’re probably not a Christian. And if you aren’t able to give hilariously because of bills and not having enough money then you are IRRESPONSIBLE and LAZY and you NEED TO HANDLE MONEY BETTER and LET US HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU DONT NEED TO SPEND GODS MONEY ON.

    Lol! Yes I laughed. You aren’t gonna change a thing. You can’t. You’re slaves to your denominations.

    WE
    ARE
    DONE.

    Peace ✌️

  35. Well said.

  36. If you leave, you can’t be in the pecking order

  37. Today after a prayer service I approached
    the pastor and asked if there was a quiet place in church where those of who require quiet in order to process our thoughts could go during long periods of individual prayer. I just can’t talk to God with recorded songs blaring. (Which was the expectation for 25 minutes today.) Not taking it away from those who like that, but it doesn’t work for me. He told me I needed to… get this… get over my need for quiet during prayer time. He said, “so are you going to leave the church just because you don’t like the music?” That’s not what I said at all. I never said I was leaving. I asked for options. I’m not sure I’m going back. His responses indicated he saw me as petty, selfish, entitled, irrelevant, and traditionalist. It’s not about the music now. It’s about the pastor’s heart toward me. Apparently, if you don’t fit in, the church is Done with you. Pastor says it’s “my way or the highway.” I hope there are still churches where quiet is acceptable sometimes and I’m tolerated.


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