How can you plant well and parent well so your kids aren’t victims of preacher’s kid syndrome? God has called you to ministry, specifically church planting. But has God called your kids? Will they have preacher’s kid syndrome?
Yes, that’s a thing. And Preacher’s Kid Syndrome is defined as: A term that dignifies the response of children raised by a parent or parents of a religious order—e.g., preacher, pastor, deacon, vicar, lay leader, minister or other similar church leader—who rejects the family’s and church’s values, i.e., through drug use, alcohol abuse, and/or sexual activity.
The aberrant behavior in the above list could be symptoms of something much deeper–a loss of faith or a demonstration of a faith that never was.
While it is a tragedy to “save the world and lose your kids,” you may not have as much ability to ensure that your kids find Christ as you do that your community finds Christ. God is the One who draws, converts, sanctifies.
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You are the one who is faithful. That’s all. You can’t make them believe in Jesus. You can’t make them love the church. You can’t make them enjoy the ministry of church planting.
And while it may feel that I’m saying you have absolutely no control, there are some things that you do have control over to guide your children toward the throne of grace.
So what do you have “control” over to keep your kid from Preacher’s Kid Syndrome?
Try these 13 ideas.
Megan Briggs’ article called “Katy Perry and Why You Need to Give Your Preacher’s Kid Choices,” gives these critical pieces of advice.
- Give your kid choices. “More often than not, PKs end up spending more time at church than anyone would willingly volunteer for. Whenever there is the option, ask your kids if they’d like to come or participate. Respect their decision when they say no.”
- Nurture kids’ outside friendships. “Do what you can to help them have friends and life outside of church—just like the other children who attend your church. If they feel they have no choice but to build their social life around the church, they will feel coerced and constricted. “
- Make your parent-child relationship a priority. “Do your kid a favor and choose him or her over the elder meeting, over the choir practice, etc. whenever possible. I understand this is not always possible, but sometimes when kids are in crisis, you dropping something super important to you or your job will communicate your highest priority.”
- Be honest with your kid. “Be honest with your kids. Admit when you are wrong. Help your kids understand you are not perfect and neither are the members of your congregation, which is precisely why we all need Jesus to help us. Then, show them how you are asking Jesus to help you.”
- Don’t force doctrine on your kid. “As church leaders raising kids: God gives us free will and the ability to choose—sometimes to our own detriment. Who are we as created beings to believe we know how to parent better than God does?” “7 Things Christian Parents Should Do to Keep Their Kids From Abandoning God“, is not geared specifically to preacher’s kids, but there’s a lot of wisdom here to glean. Frank Powell quotes Christian Smith, the author of Soul Searching: ”The most important social influence in shaping young people’s religious lives is the religious life modeled and taught to them by their parents.”Church planting or not, you as a Christian parent, have a tremendous impact on your children. Here’s how to apply Powell’s wisdom to your church planting/parenting context.
- Don’t hand off their faith to youth leaders. “Parents, you have the primary responsibility for building faith in your children. Youth leaders exist to equip you and supplement the work you are doing in the home. They don’t exist to replace you.”
- Care about their struggles as much as you do their salvation. “Parents, what you can do is show the love of God to your children. This starts by helping them see their present struggles as God’s concern. Sit down with your children. Talk to them. Show them grace.”
- Answer questions they’re asking. “Yes, these conversations are awkward. Yes, they create tension. But your children are asking them. Unless you create space for the hard questions, they will turn to other sources for answers. And that usually doesn’t end well.
