Did you know that 1 in 10 people 65 years old or older have Alzheimer’s dementia? Take a look at your congregation each Sunday, especially the aging portion of it, and consider how many of them might be struggling with this disease—usually without anyone but their direct caregivers being aware of it. Here are some pastoring tips for navigating dementia.
Pastor Tip for Navigating Dementia #1: Know the signs and symptoms of dementia/Alzheimer’s.
There will noticeable changes in moods or behaviors, such as difficulty grooming, dressing or driving, as well as nonsensical conversation or repetition of phrases or words. Does your parishioner really know you or familiar folks around them? Listen carefully! They may never say your or others’ names, but treat everyone as friends, and you can be fooled to believe all is well.
Each person suffering from this dementia requires increasingly constant and intensive care, often provided by one or more family members, who are themselves dealing with enormous pain and stress (emotional, physical, financial and spiritual), feeling helpless in the face of an invisible disease.
Pastor Tip for Navigating Dementia #2: Be aware of the caregiver’s actions.
Oftentimes, family and friends may be very reluctant to acknowledge what’s happening. They will do everything possible to cover/make excuses for unusual changes in their loved one.
This need is real. It’s growing. And pastors must be ready to respond to it.
The journey through dementia and the family of diseases it represents is unlike anything you could imagine unless you’ve experienced it. Alzheimer’s dementia is a disease that affects the brain. It changes how information gets from one part of the brain to another. It affects how one views the world—it is a skewed view or not-quite-reality perception.
It begins slowly and subtly. You notice some lapses in your loved one’s cognition, but easily brush them aside, attributing them to the inevitability of advancing age. For instance, there was a time when my father was sure he saw an Australian dingo in his backyard in Kansas. Or, the time he “remembered” the frigid air of Mt. Everest as he climbed.
Kinda funny. He’s just getting older. That’s what we told ourselves.
The disease progresses. Everyday living becomes more difficult. Bills don’t get paid. The power company calls—the power is about to be turned off. That’s not Dad, he was meticulous with his money. Hm, I will have to help a bit; he’s just getting older. That’s what we told ourselves.
It continually progresses. More concerning events begin to happen. Poor choices are made. Dad put every gun he owned in the trunk of the car (to keep them safe) while driving to Minnesota. Worrisome. Why would he do that? We just need to explain to him why that’s not a good idea. He will understand. That’s what we told ourselves.
The downward spiral seems to accelerate. Dad would walk away and could disappear in an instant. He didn’t know where he was. This was truly frightening. There is something serious happening here. We knew we had to intervene.
It is extremely difficult to accept what is happening. It is extremely difficult to walk through. Every day brings new challenges. But, there are some things you can be sure of. In the midst of this difficult terrain, Jesus can so simply and beautifully remind us of His joy! Living every day with Him requires us to trust in His strength to carry us through!
“But my eyes are fixed on you, Sovereign Lord; in you I take refuge…” (Ps.141:8, NIV)
You are not alone. God will be with you, especially in a time where others don’t necessarily understand what you’re dealing with.
Because, at the beginning, dementia can look perfectly “normal.” To look at someone suffering from it, especially in the early stages, you can’t distinguish the debilitating disease. They may still be well-groomed, clothed properly, and have eyes that focus and respond. All appearances concealing well the disease lurking inside. Even after a diagnosis, it can be quite difficult to grasp the severity and gravity of the prognosis.
There is much to lament during the course of Alzheimer’s disease. The loss of memory, the decline in health, the changes in personality. But if you adjust your lenses a bit, you are able to find joy.
KEEP GOING: THERE ARE TWO MORE TIPS ON PAGE TWO